it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
