I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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