No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
