sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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