Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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