the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
