please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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