life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
