About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
