Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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