He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
