Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
