I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
