Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
