I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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