Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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