Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
