Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
