Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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