Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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