This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
