And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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