While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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