god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
