Where is the hickey?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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