I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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