Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
