I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
