Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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