Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
