It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize