Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
