Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize