i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
