The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
