i think my mom watched the whole time
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
