dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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