Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm having to shit out rocks
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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