insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
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I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
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Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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