his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
