so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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