My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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