I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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