I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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