i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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