So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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