so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
