At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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