he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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