Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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