finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
