; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
