Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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