I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
