dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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