porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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