So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
